I am in a vortex of obligation.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
