I'd wear matching sweaters with you
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
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Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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