lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
