if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
