I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
