don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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