He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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