why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
