please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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