We got so high we made milksteak
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
