It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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