I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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