If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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