Texts From Last Night

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested

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  (541): so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested http://tfl.nu/888p
  Replies (22) Good night (563) Bad night (2445)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?

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  (561): Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest? http://tfl.nu/07hk
  Replies (29) Good night (1062) Bad night (5719)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

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  (862): I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard http://tfl.nu/ecro
  Replies (21) Good night (5873) Bad night (1063)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now

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  (785): Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now http://tfl.nu/nbd3
  Replies (2) Good night (3683) Bad night (820)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.

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  (410): Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP. http://tfl.nu/xvnv
  Replies (4) Good night (4159) Bad night (1133)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next

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  (985): Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next http://tfl.nu/7632
  Replies (9) Good night (953) Bad night (3715)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..

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  (302): you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor.. http://tfl.nu/0kdc
  Replies (8) Good night (2456) Bad night (934)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...

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  (256): The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving... http://tfl.nu/0z2j
  Replies (17) Good night (1584) Bad night (1628)
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  (707): View more from California

  And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa

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  (707): And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa http://tfl.nu/9onc
  Replies (12) Good night (1937) Bad night (857)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon

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  (937): We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon http://tfl.nu/2kt0
  Replies (12) Good night (1736) Bad night (586)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?

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  (940): Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow? http://tfl.nu/gsnf
  Replies (8) Good night (1261) Bad night (347)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.

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  (502): Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain. http://tfl.nu/4o3l
  Replies (3) Good night (354) Bad night (609)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....

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  (312): Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird.... http://tfl.nu/u9p7
  Replies (1) Good night (227) Bad night (500)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.

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  (402): I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married. http://tfl.nu/ry1c
  Replies (2) Good night (227) Bad night (595)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.

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  (314): I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work. http://tfl.nu/eou1
  Replies (1) Good night (400) Bad night (187)

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