NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You need a sexual gate keeper
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start