Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum

  (212): View more from New York

  i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls

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  (212): her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum (212): i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls http://tfl.nu/3qj9
  Replies (8) Good night (730) Bad night (1320)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children

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  (419): this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children http://tfl.nu/wdp5
  Replies (4) Good night (433) Bad night (3441) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.

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  (202): God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now. http://tfl.nu/vtz7
  Replies (20) Good night (2663) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
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  (435): View more from Utah

  it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.

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  (435): it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush. http://tfl.nu/c95w
  Replies (36) Good night (1263) Bad night (5234) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest

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  (401): i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest http://tfl.nu/hnl6
  Replies (9) Good night (1006) Bad night (3825) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile

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  (410): I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile http://tfl.nu/t48c
  Replies (5) Good night (2266) Bad night (1145) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.

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  (214): I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all. http://tfl.nu/v9t7
  Replies (6) Good night (2862) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week

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  (+44): He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week http://tfl.nu/00sr
  Replies (12) Good night (1178) Bad night (3687) Order T-Shirt
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.

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  (731): Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us. http://tfl.nu/v50h
  Replies (6) Good night (2781) Bad night (606)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.

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  (618): Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it. http://tfl.nu/ym59
  Replies (6) Good night (2297) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!

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  (239): I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you! http://tfl.nu/6j2k
  Replies (4) Good night (466) Bad night (2643) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.

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  (760): I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/aeiu
  Replies (3) Good night (1185) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.

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  (412): You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ. http://tfl.nu/sfn0
  Replies (5) Good night (1220) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.

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  (785): Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles. http://tfl.nu/6y3a
  Replies (1) Good night (320) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!

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  (520): Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again! http://tfl.nu/ddjb
  Replies (4) Good night (699) Bad night (175) Order T-Shirt

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