Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My ass is underappreciated
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