I need to stop coming to work sober
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
