I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
