I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
