No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
