I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
