I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
