I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
