I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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