2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
