Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
