got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
