I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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