I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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