I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
