Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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