Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize