you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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