I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
