it hurts more in the daytime
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it's like heaven, but drunker
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
