I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
