did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
