He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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