Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
