I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
