I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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