You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
