Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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