Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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