I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
