My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
