Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
