I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
