Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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