if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
