She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
