I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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