Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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