idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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