mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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