my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
