My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
