dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
