better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
