you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
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you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
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Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.