So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle