The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
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And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
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Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.