I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
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you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
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I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that