nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.