god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.