Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Randomize
Follow @tfln