Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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