why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
