he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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