my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
