Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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