Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
