Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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