I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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