I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
