Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
