I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
