I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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