it wasn't lemon gatorade
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just cropdusted the office
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
two words...techno handjob
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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